New Year - New Day

Happy New Year!

It is hard to believe that another year has passed. Time really does fly by.

It is also hard to believe (for me at least) that it has been over a year and a half since I last posted. Anyone who would read this is more likely to read Alissa' blog as she actually updates fairly regularly. So there isn't much catching up to do.

Much has changed and for the better.

There are still struggles, but I know these new struggles are worth having.

This new fight is worth fighting.

The changes in our lives that got us here were slow and gradual: a real process. The internal struggle was immense. There was no magic potion, no easy button, no seven step process. There was not a clearly definable "Aha!" moment. There were many steps and "aha"s along the way.

By the grace of God we have landed here: by His mercy alone.

When the lights lower, when I lay my weary body down, as my mind wanders off to sleep: I no longer wonder if my life is headed in the direction it is supposed to. I no longer worry about my work being meaningful. I no longer think, "How long can I go on like this?"

I know instead that we are making a difference. I know that tired and worn we may be, we will wake refreshed. We will be made new for this work. With God all things are possible.

One change, one struggle, one new day at a time.

Applicable Quote of Late

"Some days you're the dog. And some days you're the hydrant"

This has been on the fridge in our office "kitchen" for quite some time courtesy of one of our former customers. We keep it there (I like to think) as a reminder to check our own attitudes as the day(s) progress. Its hard to say which you will be as determined by someone else or the circumstances in which you may find yourself.

The great thing is that no matter which one the situation wants you to be, you actually get to make the choice. The greater thing is that you can always choose to be something more - bigger, better, grander - than either of those.

Two Weeks Plus

So, its been a while since the last post, which was a short treatise on the lack of said posting.

There seems to be a trend here.

Things I heard growing up are coming true.

Things like -

time flies faster as you get older...

I'm too young to feel so old...

it seems only yesterday...

where does the time go...

one of these days, you'll understand...

I can't do _____ like I used to....

The list could go on.

At this point, time seems to get shorter. Tasks seem to take longer. Restful sleep seems harder to come by. Things in general seem to be take more out of me than they should. I know the reason is I am stretched out and have been for so long. Some people wouldn't think that I am stretched quite as much as I am. Sometimes things are more than they appear. Sometimes its harder than it looks. Walking this particular path along life's road has started to grow old on me and is making me weary.

There are people and moments that energize me, that make the fatigue and fog lift. My wife, Alissa. Our children Aidan, Alora and Aralyn. Both of our church families. The "Aha!" moments that hit me almost daily. The awe and wonder of worship. The beauty of learning and growing that is in our children. The music that constantly surronuds me. The peace felt as I watch the sun rise or set. The overwhelming flood that hits me when I realize GOD loves me even still.

These are the things I live and look for and thank God for giving me. These are the things I cherish as this particular path keeps winding. These are the things that will make this portion of the journey seem just as bright and wonderful as it really is when I am blessed to look back upon it. One day this portion will be over and I know at some point I'll wonder how it passed so quickly and where all the spent time went.

I look and hope for the change but try to balance that with remembering to treasure the now before it is gone.

Unfaithful

To this blog thing anyway.

I had hoped I would be able to take the time at least weekly to journal my life and thoughts. Really, I would like to be able to more often. Yes, there is more going on in my head and life than I have been able to share. It has, as so often things do, come down to how I prioritize my time. So far, this just hasn't been high on that list. I could explain why and what is ahead, but it doesn't really matter. Those reasons are more for me than any one else. But then again, so is this blog in the first place.

So maybe I will share some things about it.

First time thing is: I work. A lot. Just ask my wife. Three jobs make for little time to take for yourself.

Second time thing: I have a family. I am a husband and father and absolutely love it. But this also takes time. Takes up most of the time I have "to myself." There are no other people on this earth I would rather share that time with than my family. I'm not saying I am the "World's Greatest Dad" or "Number 1 Husband." I'm certainly not. Sometimes I am ashamed of how I behave toward them. It is a work in progress that requires whatever time I can give.

Third time thing: Sleep. Yes, I need it too. I rarely actually get enough sleep and am often tired beyond reason. This is one of the reasons that I am such a jerk sometimes. (the real reason is that I lack self control.) The lack of sleep does not come for lack of trying, just lack of time.

In between those big three time takers, I eat, drive to and from said jobs, take care of nature's business and many other mundane yet vital daily activities.

So to you, the reader (and to myself), I would like to say that I really do like you and enjoy sharing with you. But you are just a hobby, granted one that I enjoy, but there are other more important things that I think about and spend my time on. Perhaps in the future, I will be able to get on a regular track with this thing.

But if not, I appreciate your patience.

Like, So Totally Weird

So, I have been tagged by the ever faithful Jacinda, a wonderful blogger who continually encourages me to shape up my blogging!

Five weird habits I have. Not to be confused with five weird things about me, though arguably some could be one and the same.

1) As a drummer, I drum on everything, everywhere, virtually all the time. Literally. Wife and kids included. I was once accused of this in high school and adamantly denied its truth. But I have noticed it is truer than not.

2) If I am not actually drumming on something, I am doing some sort of vocal percussive thing. Almost constantly. I am sure it drives people nuts, if the drumming itself hasn't already accomplished this.

3) I shave my armpits. Sometimes more often than my wife shaves hers. This is simply a matter of hygeine for me. But as a guy it qualifies as weird.

4) If I am awake near the midnight hour, I avoid mirrors and other reflective surfaces like the plague. When I was a kid one of my friends shared told me that he had heard (and apparently believed) that if you look into a mirror at midnight you will see your eternal destination. For some who have this "experience" they may go mad or kill themselves or something utterly ridiculous. I knew then, and know now that it is absolute bologna, but still, I avoid them at that time.

5) This one is somewhat gross. I smell everything. If not directly then second hand. This means I tough things and smell my hand or finger(s). Like I said. Gross. I know I have this habit and therefore try to avoid doing it.

I admit that 1, 2 and 5 may be more bad habit than weird habit, but that's what I've got.